Wallpaper Wednesday | 7 | Free, Downloadable Backgrounds

There’s quite a long backstory to this edition of Wallpaper Wednesday.

If you’ve been following along, you know that my husband and I relocated to Hamilton. In that time, we’ve had a lot of major life changes, mostly good ones. In the midst of these changes and the usual craze of owning a business, there was one sad event that trumped the rest.

Meet Abbie. She was our 14 year old yellow lab who came to us when we needed her most. On Saturday September 16th, we finally said a tearful goodbye to her and she’s been missed every day since then.

I will never be able to fully explain how important she was to our family, but here’s at least an attempt. Below is a short note I read to her before going to the vet:

I will always think this: humans don’t deserve dogs.

Abbie came to us at a difficult time in our lives. I was 12 and my parents had just split up. It was messy and traumatizing and it left my mom, brother, sister and I unsure of how to be a family again. Enter Abbie.

She was 1 when we got her, already trained and fully grown and she fit right in. She brought us together and in a way gave us something to bond over. We always had her to talk about and eventually, we learned to communicate to each other even better than we had before.

She and I were very similar. If there was ever an argument going on in the house, I’d retreat to my room and Abbie would follow me. Somehow, she always knew when I was upset and when I needed comfort.

In a period of my life where there was a lot of uncertainty, there was always Abbie. In a period of my life where there was a lot of sadness, there was Abbie who brought so much joy to everyone.

For many years, Abbie would sleep with me in my twin bed. This giant lab would stretch out across the whole thing, leaving very little space for me. I was always a little annoyed but not so secretly happy that she chose to sleep with me instead of my sister.

When I got married, we switched the twin bed in my old room to a bigger queen bed. It was too high for Abbie to jump up on, but I still remember Abbie putting her head on the bed, longingly looking up at me and Jonathan, just wishing she could snuggle in between us.

When we moved to Germany two years ago, Abbie was already 12. Since we were supposed to be in Germany for two years, we weren’t sure if she’d stay alive until we returned. Leaving Canada was made more difficult because I had to reconcile with the fact that she might not be here when we got back.

Thankfully, we came back a year early. We were supposed to be in Germany until the end of August 2017. At that time, Abbie was already declining. It wasn’t an easy decision for us to come back to Canada in August 2016, but I’m thankful we did for many reasons, Abbie being one of them. I think God definitely knew Abbie’s end was coming and knew I needed more time with her.

This past week and a half, I went back to visit Abbie everyday to help take care of her. My brother came back to visit her as well during the week. Even to her last day, Abbie continued to bring us together.

Abbie, you were honestly an answer to prayer and the missing member of our family that we desperately needed. You helped us heal and cope and love again.

I will love you forever and will never forget the way all my clothes had Abbie hair on it, how you’d fart in my face while you were sleeping and how you were so antisocial with other dogs (just like me). I would give anything to have another day and another year with you, but I know it’s time for you to go. Thank you for all you’ve done for us. I’m glad you were happy and mostly healthy until the end of your days. I loved coming back to take care of you this past week and a half because I feel like it was me helping you out just a tiny bit. You’ve helped me more than anyone will ever know or understand. Our family feels things very deeply. There are many things I wish I didn’t have to experience, but loving you is one that I’ll cherish always. Love you forever.

I think it’s easy for us to retreat within ourselves so that we never get hurt. Even though it hurts so much with Abbie gone, I will never ever regret loving her. Abbie taught me this lesson that I will always hold dear to my heart: love without abandon. She loved us, her imperfect humans, as much as her 65 lb self could and it ultimately shaped our family for the better.

If you need that reminder from Abbie, I encourage you to download the free wallpaper, either the desktop or mobile version below. Just love, you guys. With pure intentions, we will always learn and grow from our experiences.

Family pictures taken by Eightyfifth Street Photography

Please note that these designs are for personal use only and are not meant for commercial use. All copyright of these images is retained by Bon Paper House.